Dear baby…

(I wrote this when I was pregnant with Oscar)

I sit here, nearly 21 weeks pregnant (still not gaining weight, but I’m totally showing). Being pregnant so soon after a second-trimester loss is weird. I was pregnant when I would’ve given birth to the first one. I held my breath nearly the entire first 16 weeks until I passed the time we lost the first.

Everytime someone notices I’m pregnant I’m asked if its my first baby. Technically yes, it’s the first one I’ve felt kick. The first one I got to see on a 20-week sonogram and the first one I’ll name. Is it my first pregnancy? No. But technically it’ll be my first child.

That’s the hardest part. No one talk about miscarriages. So many happen before friends and family know. In our case, everyone knew. We had shared the information with the world. So when we were told our baby died, we didn’t know what to do. How do you react? Who do you tell?

Once we were open about it and had our immediate families help spread the news so we didn’t have to, we found out about SO MANY other people who had also lost babies. It was so very sad and comforting to know that we weren’t alone.

In about 19 weeks, I’ll get to meet this baby, hold him/her in my arms, and finally breathe the sigh of relief I’m going to be eagerly waiting to breathe. Until then, I am going to count the moments until I get to 37… 38… 39…40 weeks. ❤