This isn’t high school anymore, my friends. Grow up.

When I was in high school, I had (what I thought) was a close group of girl friends. There were about five of us in the same French class. I remember being really excited that we’d all have class together. That was until I realized they wanted nothing to do with me. They passed notes back and forth (with me sitting in their group), but not to me. They would all go out together after school, drive around, listen to music, get food, but not with me.

I remember telling myself “it gets better,” and counting down the days until graduation.

I started college, and joined a sorority. I thought I finally had a great group of friends. When I decided to leave the sorority, and only three girls still talked to me after I was no longer paying membership fees, I realized it wasn’t what I thought it would be.

So now, I find myself some friends in the blogging world, and I’m happy again. But, I’m slowly reminded that the blogging world is just like high school. I see cliques and groups that are “invite only,” and makes my head hurt. I’m all for groups and blogger memes, but not if they’re exclusive.

I thought I made friends with other bloggers, only to find myself removed from their personal and online lives, without an explanation of why. Not that I really want them to tell me they think I’m 1. crazy; 2. mean, or; 3.a terrible person (because those are the only reasons, right?). It just sucks when you think you made a friendship with someone, only to find out you’re wrong. (Although, I do believe and agree that our tastes change. Some of the blogs I read two years ago, I don’t read any more. I read blogs now I wouldn’t have dreamed of reading back then, so I never apologize for changing my tastes. But what hurts is someone you thought was a friend doing these things.)

There are meetups that leave people out, popularity contests, bitchiness, talking behind other people’s backs, blogs that make fun of other bloggers, and so on. I realize (and I’m sure other bloggers realize), that when you decide to put yourself out there, in any way, you’re opening yourself up to be scrutinized. Yes, we all have a right to our own opinions, but are some of them really necessary to promote?

Sure, I’ll admit it, I’ve visited a few blogs and didn’t “get” their style. But all their readers do. And I’ve visited other blog and totally “got” their style and wondered why they didn’t have thousands more readers.

Maybe it’s just the mindset I’ve been in lately, but I’m sick of feeling like I’m in high school again. I’m 25 years old. I shouldn’t feel like I’m back in high school.

From now on, this is my mantra:

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99 thoughts on “This isn’t high school anymore, my friends. Grow up.

  1. I loved this post! It really highlights how some people, no matter how old they are, can be extremely childish!

    Monique xx

  2. Suze,
    You said it! Unfortunately, the more living I do the more I realize that high school is just a miniature of life as a whole. Those same cliques and categories and labels and stuff… they exist in adult life, too. My workplace (local District Attorney’s office) is just as bad/catty/clique-y as the halls of my alma mater. Isn’t that sad?
    I love reading Miss Vinyl Ahoy! 🙂 You’re the best, Suze!

    Laurel

    • I always thought we’d grow out of the stupid high school mentalities, but I guess they just stick around with some people!

      And thanks Laurel- that really means a lot!

  3. Great post Suze. I never seem to really fit in anywhere, so I know exactly what you are talking about. It doesn’t matter. It didn’t matter to me than, and it still has no affect on who I am. Be who you are, and love every minute of it.

    • You totally fit in! I always considered you part of my random blogger niche. And soon, you’ll be one of the new mommy bloggers! (I do know this is your second kid, don’t worry!)

      Can’t wait to hear all about your new little one 🙂

  4. Boom. You said it, sister. I remember when I first started blogging I was (without realizing it) trying too hard to fit in with a certain group of bloggers (because it seemed like we had a lot in common). Once I stopped doing that, I found a pretty cool little group of style bloggers that I really like (and we are all pretty different).

    • I like that. “boom.” It’s like I brought down a wall or something. Can I start walking into the next room saying “boom?” is that cool? 🙂

  5. Great Post!! I saw your tweets last night that you were frustrated and I hope your feeling better after having a chance to get everything off your chest.

    My theory is, when you get a group of girls together (regardless if its in person or not) it becomes all about competition and jealousy. And the drama will ensue. I was a cheerleader in high school. We were together 11 months out of the year. 3 and 4 hour long practices twice a week. Not to mention games when we were together almost all weekend. There was drama and lots of it!!

    College, I was on a dance team. Completely different group of girls. Smaller group. Yet still cliques.

    And to be honest, I’ve always been somewhat of an introvert. I always have/had a hard time putting myself out there and making the initial effort. So I was always kind of a loner and wasn’t really a part of any of the cliques. I’ve had the same best friend since 5th grade. Yes, I have a few other good friends. But sad to say, I don’t trust them. It’s hard to trust girls. They are all jealous, conniving creatures and you never really know to what extent of their personality that is. Not to bash my own gender, but girls can be nasty. And even though we’re supposed to be a community and help each other, to some it will always be a competition.

    And some people can’t deal with the jealousy.. It may come down to the case that they feel inferior and are jealous of you and/or your style.

    I come from a small town where everyone knows everybody’s business. I’ve tried to distance myself but no matter where I go it follows. The rumors and gossip that I hear about me (when I haven’t lived in that town in over a year) is absolutely ridiculous!!

    Sorry for writing a book- but I’ve been there and I feel your pain. I think we all do.

    Just keep your head up !! It will get better!! 🙂

    Kenzi
    http://thecardiqueen.blogspot.com

    • Hi Kenzi, sorry to but in, I know this comment is to Suze and not me, but I just wanted to share my two cents because I get frustrated when girls are so quick so say that all girls are usually jealous, catty, conniving, etc. Sure, many are, just like many men are the stereotyped man that’s just in competition with his “bros” to “get with” the hottest girl. There are also millions of sweet men who genuinely treat women with respect (no, I’m not talking old-fashioned gentlemen “respect,” I’m quite convinced we can open our own doors at this point in evolution: )

      I’ll agree that women are generally more superficial and critical about superficial things like style than men. But, saying you can’t have true girl friends is the same as if I’d never gone on another date after finding out a guy I really liked only wanted me for one thing and soon dumped me; or that all men are jerks when you only meet them at bars.

      I do think us women are very different in our emotions. We do tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves more than men, yes, making it easier to hurt, but also making it easier for us to form deeper, more real and open relationships, by being open. Thank you Suze for posting this; don’t apologize for having a downer post. A huge part of blogging is getting things out instead of bottling them up, and sharing negative experiences like this helps us know we’re not alone. Hang in there, use the tough times to reach out to the people already in your life.

      (sorry for writing a novel here!)

    • No apologies for writing a long comment, I like it!

      And my experience has been that in certain cases, larger groups of women can act catty, but it’s because they WANT to.

      I work with pretty much all women (there are, like, two guys) and we’re together ALL THE TIME, but we all get along really, really well, and all 50 of us spend crap tons of time together.

      I think any one, regardless of gender, can be mean and catty.

      • Phew, so glad I didn’t bore your head off, thanks Suze! And I couldn’t agree more- it’s not an excuse that women “have to” act catty in big groups.
        Your work environment sounds so great, I’m definitely jealous!! What area do you work in?

  6. Really great post. What I’ve come to realize is that we think high school crap is just that, but in reality it never goes away. We just have to try not to care so much about people who are rude or mean and don’t treat us the way we should be treated. You always seem like such a nice person on here and post great posts, so don’t feel bad about a couple mean people! There’ll always be more people to read your blog and make friends with!

    • I can only agree to that. It apparently never stops. All life is about competition in some way. Only we need to get ourselves a thick skin to survive this madness that’s called life. I have started blogging, because I enjoy it and I need to constantly remind myself that it is not about a big or small group of readers. I rather have that small, but nice group of readers I can really connect with. But in the end even those can walk away one day. Blog for you and only you first and your true readers will love it no matter what! I definitely enjoy every post 🙂

    • I almost feel like we tell ourselves it’s just high school crap, because it makes us think there is a way out, when in reality, the only way out is to rise above it .

  7. Please don’t let those people get to you, there are people out there who love you and think you’re fantastic, maybe we’re the quiet majority!

  8. Well said Suze! I know how it feels. I agree with Laurel, the more living I do the more I realize that high school is just a miniature of life as a whole… sad but soooo true.

    I always felt different, and i am. For exemple i don’t like summer because of my skin sensibility, i can’t go outside I would like, allergies, etc. Because of this, many people make me feel bad because I’m not allowed to dislike summer.

    Love this quote, my new mantra!! : Life is so much more enjoyable now that i’ve decided i just don’t give a F*ck! Yeah!

  9. I’m so sorry to hear about your experience! But there are thousands of us who think you’re ace.

    I do sometimes feel that little groups are formaing around memes and so on, and i feel a little left out, but I have a busy life and I know that if i tried to perticipate, i would be spreading myself too thin. So I let it go. So in a way its me, and i’m ok with that. But I totally see how what happened to you is different. Not nice!

  10. Great and insightful post. I think ganging together makes people feel stronger… alone they’d never behave that way. I’ve even done it myself in the past so I realise the empowerment of numbers. But ultimately, doing your own thing and staying true to yourself is key. I’ve made some lovely friends through blogging but only one or two that I can see myself still having common points with in a world without blogging.

  11. I totally understand what you’re talking about, it really is frustrating and hard to tell yourself to just walk away sometimes. I love your mantra though, its much easier said than done so good for you for being so honest!

  12. Suze~

    I so know how you feel. I never “fit in” in primary school, and was picked on and made to feel that I was not worthy. Even in my adult years, I’ve had “friends” turn on me in a very vicious manner, for n0 legitimate reason. Friendship is about patience, love, and understanding. “Friends” who kick you when you are down, who can’t figure out that when you’re going through a tough time and are a little sensitive—that’s the time to be patient and loving, not offended—well, they aren’t friends at all. That’s when the true colors come out. A friend sticks by you and holds your hand when you are feeling badly. They don’t talk about you to other friends or hate you when you succeed.

    And the blogosphere…man, it is RIFE with jealousy and cliques. One blogger who was actually a personal friend of mine began leaving flippant comments on my blog when she did comment, then with no explanation, unfollowed (only) me on Twitter about the time she shut down her blog last year. There were no words or an argument between us, and she never emailed or spoke to me again. I have no idea to this day why she did that, except to surmise that it all came down to jealousy.

    There is also another blogger I know whom I have gone out of my way to support and I have been a very vocal cheerleader for her. As soon as she got where she wanted to be, when I had a significant achievement, you’d think there would have been a hearty congratulations from her to me, tweets of support, but there was nothing. She continues to toot her own horn all the time, but only toots it for others after they have referenced her in a tweet or a post. It’s so one-sided and transparent. And she has lost me as an avid supporter.

    Despite all that, I have found so many wonderful, genuine friends in the blog world, and so I just focus on them and let the haters go on their way. It hurts when you think you really were friends, and it makes you not want to trust anyone. But there are good people out there, so all you can do once jealousy or hatred has been revealed to you is let THEM sit with their sins and go on your way.

    At the end of the day, numbers in the blogosphere don’t mean s***. It’s how we treat people and the creatures in our lives that matters. I’d rather be authentic and kind and a nobody than be a semi-famous blogger with her head so far up her own a** that she can’t see what an egotistical person she’s become. I’d rather stay tight with people who not only lift me up, but keep me grounded and real. That’s what life is about.

    You’re a great woman, a kind woman, and a woman of integrity. I know you’ve moved on. And good on ya.

  13. I think your experiences are pretty common and pretty crap… I don’t get why people can’t just be good to one another. We are making our little worlds what we want them to be and I can’t imagine that anyone would want an unlovely one. I agree that sometime blogging seems a bit cliquey or competitiony. I try to remember why I even do it at all (to keep a record, find inspiration and connect with others, in that order). I try not to fall into immature traps. Be good to yourself Miss Suze and keep doing what you’re doing! You are brave and beautiful!

  14. This is a great post! Kudos for not being afraid to speak your mind, and for using effenheimers. Swearing lightens the mood, and it’s funny (apparently, I’m a twelve-year-old boy).

    I just started reading your blog a couple of weeks ago. You are very relateable, funny, and honest – all traits I look for in a blog “relationship”.

    Like Ashley (hey, girl!), I seek out bloggers who are not too high and mighty to interact with lesser-known, upstart bloggers. The best part of blogging is the interaction, right?

  15. I feel the exact same way. For some reason, I just can’t fully connect and I always tell myself, “but you’re doing everything right Lauren?!?” It can be like high school…

    I stand by you and will repost this because it touched me so much.
    xo,
    Lauren Nicole
    Front Row Spectator

  16. The person who really matter is yourself, and the love you have for this person within you.
    If your ego is strong, nobody can hurt it.Well, only the people who are already in your heart.
    I would work that love, rather than blaming the world for not being perfect. There are bad people out there, so what? treasure the good ones. We are many more…
    Count me in.
    Besos.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  17. Excellent post Suze! Lately, I’ve felt that the blogging “community” is worse than high school, and it drives me crazy! It almost drove me to the point, to leave blogging. But I’ve decided to stay, because I reminded myself why I blog in the first place, and I blog for me. So these silly cliques and groups doesn’t phase me as much.

    I’m glad you wrote this post, because you’re spot on! 🙂

  18. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this post. I am just learning these things as I just started blogging. I was thinking about doing a post re the last FBFF challenge (what drives you crazy about other blogs or something like that). I love the concept of FBFF and have participated in it before (and probably will again). I think it is great to have a forum for other bloggers to get together and help each other out. But I was so disheartened by reading some of the other people’s FBFF questions on what they don’t like. Some of it was on my blog, some was not, but I felt that it was kind of . . . mean, judgmental and kind of unnecessary. I have “met” (i.e. emailed) a lot of girls in the blogging world and thought every one of them that wrote back was so supportive, helpful, etc. I came to think the whole bloggy world was just one big rainbow and hugs. I still think it is. I just think that last FBFF was kinda mean and made me think “wow, I never knew so many things bugged people about other blogs” and “I thought we were all supposed to have different pages . . .”

    Anywho, glad you are looking at it positively. I don’t live near you, but I read your blog every post. I am hoping to find/meet some other bloggers in my area (Colorado) as well at some point. I had the same issues in/after high school/college/work/life–especially recently. I hope you continue your positive journey!

    • Robin, I actually stopped using FBFF after the Blogger Awards… the popularity contest made me uncomfortable and a little sad!

    • So sorry to hear you thought the last FBFF was negative. I agree with you all that the wording should have been different to make it more supportive and less negative sounding. The initial purpose was to help some of the newbie bloggers who were all asking the same general questions about blogging dos and don’ts. Unfortunately it did not turn out to be that kind of a post.
      And as far as the blogger awards go… well, that was a mistake I admit to. It was never meant to be a popularity contest, but it turned into one and that hurt me as much as it hurt the others.

  19. Great post. Very true as well. But I dunno if it ever goes away. We are human beings after all and a bit childish regardless of age.

  20. Wow – I am so sorry this has happened to you! You have always been kind in your tweets and in the messages I have recived from you. It sucks someone would treat you this way. Perhaps this will serve as a reminder to us all to be kind and celebrate rather than punish the differences of others. Girls are definitely meaner than boys and all my life I have had more male than female friends. Blogging is the only place where I have encountered nice women that don’t appear to backstab. Perhaps I have been lucky! I enjoyed reading your post and the photos captions are hysterical – love it!!

  21. I can’t believe anyone would do that to you! I love this place :).

    And, I love your new motto. That has been my motto for years now and it is a great way to live.

  22. Also should add that I LOVE your mantra too! Your blog is your blog- a place to write and post whatever the heck you want. Maybe people with such critical, mean thoughts should just keep a journal instead though : )

  23. The motto is great and you’re right, I find that people in blogosphere can be very cliquish and you’re right, this isn’t high school. We’re supposed to be all adults, be supportive and courteous of one another. Sadly it isn’t the case and it’s easier to get away with such behaviors because we all are protected by the computer screen.

    I totally share your frustrations and in times like this, you really do appreciate the friends you’ve made along the way that have stayed true from the beginning!

  24. I agree with your mantra. I think that immature behavior happens at all ages and in all situations, so it is best to ignore it.

  25. I’m glad you shared this with us Suze {even if you did edit it before posting}. You’re an honest, straight forward, fabulous style blogger who I personally admire and love! And guess what we’re friends IRL. You’re exactly the person who I’d thought you’d be and I think that says a lot about you and your blog. You’re true to yourself and your readers. I, for one, really appreciate it!

  26. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you just said. Sometimes I feel like I am back in high school again with the cliques and have to remind myself that I am an adult, with a life and that is whats most important.
    Your words are inspirational!

  27. amen sister. This happened to me recently. Someone I thought I had connected and chatted with often with just unfollowed me and didn’t respond to my email. It was kinda like OH ok. I had some problems recently with other blogger who I thought were “friends” ganging up behind my back. That kinda stuff is Lo-Fi I took a break recently because I was so tried of trying to make friends. I saw people sectioning off and joining groups and dumping everyone else and it just felt so high school over again and I didn’t like I was getting hurt over dumb shit.

  28. Suze, I said it already on twitter, but I adore you for writing this post and I completely feel your pain.

    I never fit in when I was in school. I don’t just mean high school. I mean elementary school and beyond. I was blessed/cursed with a name that was the cause of instant ridicule, parents who were right “off the boat” and a family with its own crazy issues everyone seemed to know about. The kids that even wanted to see past all that were always few in number. Why befriend the weird girl when you could hang out with the normal people, you know?

    College was a whole other set of issues, but suffice to say my circle of friends has always been – and remains – small. I always say I have a lot of acquaintances, but a very small number of true friends. I am OK with that because quality has always been more important than quantity to me.

    I’ve also had friends who turned on me for no apparent reason. My best friend from college decided she wanted nothing to do with me a few years after we graduated and just completely disappeared from my life. She never bothered to tell me why, and I could only guess it was a result of jealousy. Jealousy of what? Who knows.

    I still consider myself fairly new to the blogging world but of course I’ve noticed that there are cliques and tight-knit groups. I know that I am a part of one of those in some ways, but I think that particular group is open and welcoming to everyone. They are more supportive and encouraging than people I know in real life, and I love them for it.

    I could be wrong, of course, but I feel like if I was to stop blogging tomorrow they wouldn’t just turn their backs on me because we’d still have some type of connection. They wouldn’t just cut me out of their lives completely. If they did we were never really friends in the first place. But finding that out would hurt like a bitch.

    Anyway, I hope that writing this was therapeutic for you. You’re such a generous and kind person, I think anyone would be lucky to call you a friend. It is completely their loss if they couldn’t see that.

    And that mantra – like I said – I am stealing it for myself 🙂

  29. Preach. As a new blogger, it can be interesting to see all the different groups and cliques that are out there. And by interesting, I mean intimidating. Some folks have been very welcoming, and some…have not. I think there may be some “wait and see” aspect to it – they’re wondering if I am going to stick around, if I am going to keep it up…and probably also waiting for me to discover my voice, style, etc.. of blogging. Focus instead on the friends and fans that you have, and you will never feel luckier 🙂

  30. I don’t know what specific events precipitated this post, but I am always sad to hear when someone goes through something like this. It hurts the blogging community when people start to become too big for their britches (sorry, I know I sound like my grandma to say that..) and stop responding to readers/smaller bloggers comments, questions, tweets or e-mails. I know many are busy and I respect that, but you can very easily tell the difference between the genuine ones who will eventually get back to you and those that are just full of themselves. I tend to promptly unfollow those blogs!

    I think that there’s not much that can be done about bloggers like the ones you mentioned. What I can think we can do as bloggers, and blog readers, is to do everything in our power to promote positive commenting and inclusivity within blogging. I know that that is something within my control, and something I can focus on when drama like this happens.

    Hope things get better dear. You have an army of support behind you 😀

  31. Amen to that. I think blogging is a little more welcoming than high school cliques, but it definitely still happens. It’s competitive and it sucks and I want to punch myself in the face every time I realize I’m comparing myself to someone else. I have to remember why I love it and that feeling left out or getting irritated over other people isn’t one of those reasons. 🙂

    Regardless, you are lovely and I adore you.

  32. Oh and I agree with Sarah above me as well, I know several bloggers IRL who are amazing people, but when you see them blog and know their personality outside of it, you realize their “agenda,” so to speak, and that they clearly embellish or make themselves out to be something far bigger than they actually are. Sigh.

  33. Great post, Suze!

    I think as women, there will always be competition and jealousy which turns into drama. It doesn’t go away once we leave high school and college, it’s just part of our nature. I find it funny when I hear my mom talking on the phone sometimes, it’s like HIGH SCHOOL all over again. So much gossiping and competition and cattiness. And they’re all like 60 year old women.

  34. Suze, this post is so true, I’m sure a lot of us feel this way, because I definitely do! I love your blog, I can’t wait to check your posts because you have a very similar clothing style to mine (much more polished than mine ha) and you seem so nice and normal! I so, so feel you on this! I’ve always had my own style and kinda a idgaf attitude, but I’m only human, and people can be needlessly cruel. For the record, I think you rock.

    I started my blog to pour my rambling out while my husband was deployed, and it’s very intimidating to be new to the blog world and realize that everyone is in one little club or another. Once I started finding blogs like yours, I realized that not everyone is like that, but it’s not obvious at first and that’s sad

  35. I hate to say it but it’s not at all surprising based on some of the content on many style/fashion blogs out there. Everything is *so* subjective but some people post as if they have a hard-won authority on it and that’s a total turnoff for me, much like “blogging uber alles”. I like reading people’s blogs when they have another alternate life to blogging!

    But I also think this kind of stuff pops up anywhere you have a group, male or female, no matter the context. I’ve seen it in animal rescue groups, community gardens, schools, etc. It’s difficult because in some of those cases I can clearly say “I’m here to get the job done and make this thing work; people don’t need to like me AND they don’t have to agree with me!”

    But I can’t say that with blogging because I’m not getting any job done. I’m just giving myself a distraction and I’m interested in meeting like-minded folks. And I can’t imagine any of those like-minded folks being this immature!

  36. Suze, you know I adore you, and I always say the more I read what you write, the more I like and relate to you!

    I have had a love/hate relationship with blogging for YEARS. I almost shut it down because of silly blogger drama, but decided last year to ramp it up and blog for ME, not for followers or traffic or money. I got into social media, joined Twitter… and started hating blogging again. It’s like high school – I always say it’s like getting your yearbook. You want signatures from the popular kids, and you want them to sign long messages on the front cover, not KIT next to their picture. You lose sight that the signatures you will really treasure are those from your real friends who love you and always did.

    I go through phases where I weed out my blogroll and twitter followers to quiet the noise, then I add again because I find such inspirational and cool folks. Then I weed again because I start worrying about my popularity and is my blog cool enough etc. These days, I hardly read my Twitter feed because it makes me feel awkward and I know IRL I am not an awkward person.

    You rock. You are unique. Your posts and personal style are fun. You inspire many. Quiet that silly noise out there and know that we readers find you as fabulous as I know you do. ❤

  37. Great post! I blog for lots of reasons, one of which is to meet & make new friends. It’s great in theory, but isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I thought it was all one big happy! There are definitely people out there who won’t even respond to a newbie. It’s a strange ride, but I’m slowly finding my way. I know we can’t be friends with everyone, but sometimes common curtesy & being nice would be refreshing! I think the internet is like a cloak of protection for some people. I’ve always said that people will do things behind the wheel of a car & over the internet that they would never do when face to face with someone. I love blogging & I do it for myself all the while hoping to make friends too. I won’t be detered by those who aren’t nice, but sometimes mean people just suck.

  38. Some people only like people who are just like them. Their minds tend to be small and closed. You just keep being you, knowing you’re a kind-hearted person without petty insecurities, and let that shine through. Your confidence is dazzling!

  39. I subscribe to a few fashion blogs (between 5 and 10) and I am not going to lie. I don’t really read them…I just look at pictures. However, there are a couple that I read EVERY post, the two I can think of off the top of my head is Pixie in Pumps and YOUR BLOG! I love your blog and I like keeping up with what you are doing.

    When I first started reading fashion blogs, I found a couple who’s style I really liked, but I love bright colors and patterns and I couldn’t really find any blog that had those (other than a random outfit post here or there). So I started thinking, maybe my taste is off….maybe I should tone it down a little. Seriously, the day I started thinking that maybe I should start toning it down, I found your blog. Thank goodness, because I love my style now and how I look, something I can definitely attribute (in part) to your blog.

    I don’t comment much on blogs…and I think this may be the first time I am commenting on your blog, but I think you needed a pick me up today. So, this is the truth laid out and simple.

    Just keep doing what you’re doing. You are making your mark on the interwebs!

  40. Suze,

    I know you are not alone in these feelings. This kinda thing goes through cycles, high school, college, work etc… In high school, I felt like I was friends with my friends just because there was nobody else that would take me. Now, I’m comfortable feeling that it is ok to sit at home on Friday and do nothing as long as you are happy doing it. I’d rather be with myself or one or two great people then a group of fakies.

    As far as blogs are concerned, I can see that happening. People get popular and all of a sudden you take a back seat. Don’t let it get you down mama, you do this cause you love it and the real people will keep commenting and tweeting you all the time.

    Sometimes I think to myself “Wtf. Why don’t I have more followers and so and so has tons?” But at the end of the day it really, really doesn’t matter. What matters is you like it and hundreds of people do too. These girls are probably going to turn around and ditch their new best friend in a couple months anywayz…

  41. Well I still think your blog is the bees knees, and blogging can feel a little like high school. I remember when someone I thought was a good blogging friend un-followed my blog. It hurt, and I didn’t understand why they stopped. We all have to understand followers are just a number, and our fellow bloggers don’t really owe us anything even if we feel like we have connected with them. I’ve decided not giving an eff is the best thing I’ve ever learned. I apply that mantra liberally to all areas of my life.

  42. Suze – Love this post and of course, I completely agree – Blogging can be a lot like high school. I wish it wasn’t. I wish everyone could remember the way they felt when they were left out of something or lost a friend they thought they had. But unfortunately things don’t always work out like that.
    What I realized at the end of high school is that I can only hope and strive to be the best version of my self. The rest – well it really doesn’t matter. Why do I need to worry about measuring up to someone else’s standard? I’ve only got to worry about becoming the woman I was meant to be. That mantra has saved me so many times over the years, even if it is hard to remember sometimes – especially when the desire to compare myself to others creeps in. But in the end I know it’s not a popularity contest and never should be.
    Thanks for writing on this and sorry you have felt the pain of high school all over again with the blogging community. For those of us that do follow you and read your blog regularly – you should know we love and support you. Keep smiling!
    Katy

  43. I’m totally with you. I realize that if I was willing to go to great links to make people like me I might have many more followers. If i were to converse with and comment on the blogs of bloggers that I don’t really love I might have more followers. But to me none of that is worth it because it does feel like high school. Back when I tried so hard to fit in and finally figured out that people liked me better when I just didn’t care. I’ve taken that attitude from the beginning, though sometimes I find myself worrying if people will like me or my style… but honestly in nearly every part of my life I’ve gotten to the point where I just can’t be bothered to worry about people or things that aren’t worth it in the long run.

    I know we’ve talked about this before, but people who spend their time talking about other bloggers or going so far as to create a blog or group to make fun of other bloggers really need to get a better hobby… or volunteer or something. There are so many other ways to make yourself feel better about yourself than making someone else feel bad. Some people will always be bullies.

  44. I don’t know what it is about girls, but many of them will always have that high school mentality. You’ll see at the workplace, in the blogging world, etc. The great thing about the blogging community is that it’s ever expanding and you an find people you do truly connect with, you just may have to do a little digging. Blogging does make you vulnerable because you can put a lot of who you are out there, but doesn’t that make us stronger in the end? I’m 25 as well and a tough lesson I learned this year is that you are not always going to stay friends with people. I’ve lost touch with “friends” I’ve had for many years this year and at first I was hurt but I feel much better now without all the drama in my life. 🙂

  45. Suze – Just want to say again that I think it is great you posted this. I have always felt like an outsider and I still feel I struggle with fitting in. It is comforting to know that other people feel the same as I do.

  46. Suze, so glad you posted this. I indeed needed to read that first mantra “Life is so much more enjoyable…” 🙂
    But seriously, I’ve lost alot of friends along the way from adolescence to adulthood because I thought, looked or acted differently. I’ve never been so readily accepted by other women except in the little blogging world I’ve created for myself. So thank you stars for bloggers like you and others I’ve come to know and love. It’s odd how some people treat others…but you’re right, let’s not over analyze and continue spreading our own positivity and light.
    xo Christine
    http://un-stitched.com

  47. There are absolutely groups and cliques amongst bloggers designed simply to make some people feel more special than others.
    There are some bloggers who’s style you will adore, and relate to and leave a million comments and never hear a peep back from them.
    And there are some who will be friendly, and then lose interest.
    And we have all been through it.
    With the blog,
    with work,
    with college,
    with high school,
    with middle school.
    with elementary school.
    And my skin hasn’t gotten much thicker, no matter how many times I’ve been burned or abandoned.
    But after all the hurt feelings, you will find that there are still people standing by you who care.
    It sucks that people have to be this way, and what makes it even worse is that so many of us have been through it, and there is never an explanation; you can’t not wonder “what did I do to deserve to be treated this way?”

  48. I wish I had gotten to this earlier on my bloglovin reader because you totally hit the nail on the head. I am enjoying my time blogging because I’ve met some great people, but I’ve already had a small share of fake people showing up and leaving when I am not useful to them. I am slowly learning to open up a little slower and more deeply appreciate those people around me that I really know and can trust.

  49. This was so refreshing to read, and I’m sad to hear that you’ve been feeling upset about the blogging world. I’ve been thinking about getting my blog back down to what I want it to be, and what I really enjoy posting without worrying what others think. Keep being you, Suze!

  50. i think this post is soooo awesome. as an extremely new blogger i have been thrown off by the heckling of blogs and closed groups. at first i was trying to follow all “the rules” that popular bloggers were saying and trying to make my blog fit some schema but i quickly realized my blog is my own. & while i have lots of room for growth it doesn’t come by mean scrutiny or rude responses to questions i’ve asked. i resolve to do what i like and hope some folks feel it too.

  51. Love this. You hit it right on the head, and it really really needed to be said. I think the blogging world can play a part in tearing down these catty walls…I have to admit, visiting blogs and interacting with other bloggers on Twitter and Facebook have really made me double-check my (formerly) catty instinct (I’ll admit it–I had my mean girl days in the past). Women like you and many of the other bloggers I love (several of which left comments here as well) are great examples of supportive women and great friends, and you lead by example.

    That said, it is rather interesting (although I can’t explain it) how our perceptions of friendship may sometimes be different than the other party’s perception of the friendship. I was actually just chatting about this with the husband this weekend, that even though I may know where a friend falls in my landscape of relationships, I have no idea where I fall on theirs. But it is my choice to commit to a friendship and open myself to potential hurt. In the end, I think it’s worth it.

    So let’s just keep on keepin’ on. Thanks for reminding me that cattiness benefits no one.

  52. I try not to get too caught up in the “popularity” draw of blogging. I didn’t start blogging to be popular and it’s not why I continue. Thanks for your post!

  53. Basically everything that needs to be said has already been said but really, Suze, you basically found the nail and hit it so hard the thing broke to bits.

  54. Aww… great post. I can totally relate with it.

    Actually, back in high school, I’m also not the most popular person out there… even before, I didn’t care if I didn’t belong or what. Not because I prefer to be an outcast but because I’d rather have “real” friends than plastic ones who don’t really care about you. I think I chose the right path because that small group of friends I have then are still my friends up to now. 🙂 We still talk, we invite each other when there are occasions or parties, etc… We may not be talking to each other today as much as we did back then, but our friendship lasted.

    I don’t see the point too why there are people who will treat you as a friend today and will forget you completely next. Do they get something from doing that? I’ve known few people who stuck to me before and don’t talk to me now (don’t even make eye contact). Oh well, I don’t understand them and I don’t bother asking most of the time. If a person doesn’t like me, it’s not my problem. :/

    In the blogging world, I made few real friends. Although I get 100 viewers a week before (I don’t blog anymore, not sure when I would resume due to my busy schedule), not all those viewers became my friends. Most people just drop messages so I would check their blog too (to advertise their blogs). But well, that’s online world… For me what matters is that small group of people I actually call “real friends”.

    I’m thankful that I met Suze! ^^ Actually I think it was Loafy that linked us together! ^^ I love your blog cause it’s helpful. I also check your blog when I’m having difficulty in mixing and matching my clothes and it really helps a lot.

    Years from now, I can still see myself consulting your blog for outfit problems. I may not be leaving comments that much since most people say things I have to say. >(^.^)<

    If ever you need a friend, you know where to find me. 🙂

  55. I’ve had some of the very same thoughts, Suze! Creating meaningful relationships in a business that relies so heavily on networking is a real challenge, and it definitely is one that I’m still figuring out. If I sense I clique I run in the opposite direction – I thought I was through with high school! I think the best I can do is be genuine in my interactions with others and just put positive vibes out there. Hopefully they will be returned.

    – Meredith

  56. Love this post and especially love the images you used! They may have ended up on my pinterest account.

    Anyway, I have definitely felt similarly to you in the past – I’m kind of the “social butterfly” that doesn’t have a lot of friends. I have to say, I haven’t known you very long, but I already really enjoy talking with you! Mayhaps sometime I’ll drive through your neck of the woods since I’m just across the lake. 🙂

  57. Also, this is what I love about your blog – you have over 80 comments and you’ve still taken the time to personally respond to many of them. That says a lot about you, my dear!

  58. I know exactly how you feel. Its a really good feeling to just decide you no longer care why someone doesn’t like you/your clothes/your blog. There were a couple of bloggers in the beginning, that I kind of looked up to, but after awhile, when they never bothered to respond to my comments or even take the time to leave a comment on mine, I started wondering, why? I had them on my bog roll and really enjoyed there posts, why didnt they like mine? Eventually I just stopped reading there blogs and I feel all the better for it.Life IS too short! 🙂

  59. Nice post Suze. I especially like how you worked in the quotes. The last is my favorite. I think as women, we tend to especially over-analyze situations, and like it says, sometimes, instead, you just need to move on.

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  61. I am so late to the party on this post- but you seemed to have resonated with A LOT of people, a lot of bloggers. I’m thinking we all, at some point, at some time, feel left out-. I’m not sure why anyone would drop you off their radar- but my take is this: they are doing you a favor. If a person can’t truly be my friend, why would I want time or their time wasted of fake niceities? When if they are out of my life, I can make room for those that actually do care about me, my take on the world, and share common interests, including being a good friend to others. Seriously, if they can’t be there for you, the best thing they can do for you is bow out.

    We don’t have “break-up” rituals for friendships. Like if you were a boy, and we were dating, I could take you out to a not-so-fancy restaurant, say Olive Garden and explain over our shared creme brulee, that it’s not working out between us. We could cry a bit, and agree to be friends, and be done with that phase of our relationship. But in friendships, there is no accepted protocol to end a friendship, so most opt to just fade away, without warning. It sucks, but again, if they aren’t genuinely there for you- they are taking up valuable real estate sticking around in your life.

    I don’t know why you got left out of a blogger cliche- and I’m sorry it hurt you. But for every one of those kind of girls, there are queues of women standing in line to get to know you, who like you for you, and who would love to be your friend. I’m not sure why your down to earth, no nonsense sense of sassy didn’t charm to bejesus out of these people, because your salt of the earth, splash Suze self sure charms the hell out of me. I’m in line with at least 89 other blogger pals who seem to feel part of your circle.

  62. Suze, I’m so sad that you felt that way! I’m so out of the blogger loop lately (i’m behind on blog posts, etc) so I have no idea of what all is going on lately… but I just want you to know that I love reading your blog and while I don’t comment often, etc. (and I haven’t been on twitter in a while) I still adore you! 🙂

  63. you take the words right out of my mouth. as a teacher, i see a lot of the mean girl stuff and think sometimes “thank god i don’t have to deal with that as an adult” but i am wrong on a daily basis. thanks for sticking up for everyone that just wants a new friend! 🙂

  64. I have just come across your blog and I feel the need to stop under this post and say thank you for writing it.

    Right now I’m in the middle of cutting myself away from a group of so called ‘friends’ who bring me down more than anything else and who I know are going out with one another and not inviting me but don’t even have the guts to just say to me that they don’t want to be my friend anymore. Its been worrying me in a way that if I cut them out my life where does that leave me and who with cause these are the girls that I’ve spent the past two years of college joined at the hip with.

    Having read this post I feel better about it and have realised 100% that I’d rather be alone than be ‘friends’ with people like that. I’ve had those kind of friends in junior school, high school and college and I was starting to think that it was just me that didn’t get the whole way of behaving and I was beginning to think it was me that was the weird one because I would listen to them shouting at one another and think ‘oh seriously please grow the f*ck up!’ but you’ve helped me realise that it’s not just me who thinks that. And you’ve also made me realise 100% that when I thought of them as pathetic that I was right because they are just pathetic little girls who in the metaphorical sense will never leave high school.

    Anyway, sorry for leaving you an essay of a comment.

    Thanks again.

    Much Love
    Roisin Elizabeth
    xoxox

  65. Hi,

    I have just come across your blog and I feel the need to stop under this post and say thank you for writing it.

    Right now I’m in the middle of cutting myself away from a group of so called ‘friends’ who bring me down more than anything else and who I know are going out with one another and not inviting me but don’t even have the guts to just say to me that they don’t want to be my friend anymore. Its been worrying me in a way that if I cut them out my life where does that leave me and who with cause these are the girls that I’ve spent the past two years of college joined at the hip with.

    Having read this post I feel better about it and have realised 100% that I’d rather be alone than be ‘friends’ with people like that. I’ve had those kind of friends in junior school, high school and college and I was starting to think that it was just me that didn’t get the whole way of behaving and I was beginning to think it was me that was the weird one because I would listen to them shouting at one another and think ‘oh seriously please grow the f*ck up!’ but you’ve helped me realise that it’s not just me who thinks that. And you’ve also made me realise 100% that when I thought of them as pathetic that I was right because they are just pathetic little girls who in the metaphorical sense will never leave high school.

    Anyway, sorry for leaving you an essay of a comment.

    Thanks again.

    Much Love
    Roisin Elizabeth
    xoxox

  66. YES. I’m a little late replying to this (for some reason, your blog shows up in my feed, but not in the list, and I was going by blog title for a while, woops!) but boy do I agree! There’s nothing worse than being left out of a group that you thought you genuinely belonged to, that you thought was comprised of genuine, real, caring friends. I’m 22 myself and still trying to find real friends and make a point of being honest and open to others about my friendships with them.

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